If you were faced with Him in all His glory

What would you ask if you had just one question?


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IC contact: Sirenspull
- your calls are bad news
paterelohim
Uh, hi! This is Ca- I mean Chuck Shurley, just- Chuck, sorry. [Indistinct fumbling noises] Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Thanks?

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I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't stop calling you.

Have you checked the children?

[You realize he's only doing this because if he goes to see you right now, he might... Punch you or something. He mad.]

[There's enough of a pause to make you believe that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, he might be done... Then...]

Oh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light... [Yes, this voicemail is the entirety of the Star-Spangled Banner. Off-key.]

[He clears his throat and then in the tone of someone doing a dramatic reading...]

"She cried out as the climax swept through her with the violence of a riptide, first dragging her over and under in wave after wave of pleasure, then tossing her up and over in an airless peak."

"She didn't know what she expected, but this was much more exciting than any fake rubber penis could ever be."

"He desperately longed to run his tongue over her lower lip, to taste her, to explore her, but didn’t quite dare, given her earlier comments about jackhammers."

For the record, Chuck, if you and Magneto are doing the horizontal mambo and that's why you're not answering? You could've just said so.

[Oh gee. Was your phone supposed to be on speaker just then, Chuck?]

reaction/prayer herp;

[Back in Magneto's apartment, where the two men have been sitting around the NV listening to it as raptly as if it were the damn World Series, Chuck sputters loudly and yells at the ceiling.]

Oh jesus, WHAT.

[Enjoy that sledgehammer of a "prayer", Gabs.]

PHONE CALL; BECAUSE HE NEEDS YOU OUTSIDE AND AWAY FROM MAGNET MAN.

[Bet you answer now, bitch. :|]

You rang?

YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND THEY'RE HAPPY TOGETHER :U

[o-oh god how are you actually so annoying. Chuck answers while still in Erik's living room, giving his friend an irritated-apologetic look before bowing out, NV in hand.]

Okay, first of all? When- [Except maybe bringing up the time Chuck bombarded Gabriel's NV isn't so much a good idea. Pointless reminders of their girlfriend's miscarriage: WIN.

Right, mid-sentence gear shift.]


-When you go blurting out shit like that, it might be nice to not use his fucking supervillain name, you know?

You mean he doesn't like being called that? [Still completely innocent. Yeah, right. So a lot of people are tromping over everyone's delicate princess feelings. Deal wit' it.]

[Chuck makes an annoyed 'tch' sound in response, but it's really just the tail end of his reaction to the 'horizontal mambo' comment, and his annoyance dies down fairly quickly.]

Look, Gabriel, whatever it is, does it have to be right now? I'm too drunk for this.

[That's a lie, he isn't that drunk and anyway, he would never be sober enough for this shit. And yes, he's drinking at 1 in the afternoon. He stopped doing that for over a month, but who thought that would last.]

You're always drunk. I'd buy it if you told me you were too sober.

Now get your ass out here.

No I'm not. Just this week.

[He pauses for a second.]

The place isn't you-proofed. You know that, dude. I know you do.

[But fine jeez he's walking down the stupid dumb stairs anyway. You jerk.]

This ain't a conversation for an audience, Chuckie.

...This is gonna suck, isn't it?

...Fine.

[He hangs up on the angel- yeah, that's the kind of mood he's in - and is outside the house in less than two minutes. Waiting, basically. So what if he's angelproofed and Gabriel can't actually tell if he's outside unless he's there. Tough.]

Away from the damn house.

Gabriel, I'm outside the damn house. Jeez, can't you just kidnap me like a normal angel?

[And here's Gabriel.]

Well, since it's not really kidnapping if it's consensual... [He claps a hand on his shoulder and they're magically at the spot where they brought Lucifer after Aslan healed him.]

What the fuck is your damage, Heather?

Right now my damage is you.

[Shrugging his arm off roughly and stalking away until there's enough personal space for his health and comfort.]

[Watching him warily] And Lucifer's just the side order, right?

[Chuck whips around sharply and gives him a dirty look.]

Look, whatever you're pissed about, why don't you just cut to that?

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